Tracie

Some fucking man held a gun up to my mother's head this morning and threatened to fucking kill her if she didn't give up money. He took $5,000 from the place she works for and co-owns. I guess it's the kinda thing you never expect to happen to you, or to someone you know. Fucking bastard, you will. get. caught.

Tip for you criminals: You don't rob a place with exceptionally good security cameras.

It's not that I'm tired of guys. I'm not. I never have been. It's just that I don't wanna deal with them long enough to get tired of them. I'm afraid of committment, yes, but that's because of my confusion. I tell myself that I like them, and I think about them, and I worry about them... And then I crawl back into my shell, telling myself that I don't. It's too late by then. I no longer worry about it. Who the hell cares? Then I realize that it was a falsity to begin with. I've always done this. I did this with everyone. Is that because of my committment issue? Or is it because of my confusion? The only thing stopping things with C was the fact that C CREEPED ME THE FUCK OUT! If I can find someone just as sweet and much less abusive and creepy, I'll go with it. Not that I wanna go with anything these days. Yo, it's all for real. I never claimed to make sense... :o\

My 4.0 GPA is now a 3.8 ......gross!!!! I got a C in the class that I was failing two weeks before the end of the semester. How the hell did I manage to pull my grade up that much? Luck, man. Luck.

And now, I get to work out.... and then go to a party..... joyous!

The semester is almost over. YAY! Then I'm off till the 2nd. Then I have class. Until my other classes start. Haha, this school crap sucks. Oh well. I'll be making Dean's List again, at least! AND I'm in love with the Dell Dyke. Ahh haha.

I'm tired of waiting, I'm tired of lies, I'm tired of faking, I'm tired of family, I'm tired of broken promises and "I don't knows", I'm tired of crying,... I'm sick of laughing, bored with sadness... I'm tired of being alone, finished with wishing for my life's end. I'm tired of everything.

Something I've never felt... And I doubt I'll ever feel it. I believe that I'm destined to be alone forever. I'm totally empty. I don't have a best friend, or many real friends at all... I think I'm gonna need to drag Patrick out of his house one of these days...

I'm getting nowhere in life, which I'm beginning to think is normal. With my thyroid medicine, I can go days with no food without screwing up my metabolism. I have three doctors' appointments on the same day... This oughta be interesting. I'm a great student, but I'm not feeling up to it. I'm a great friend, but I have no one here to show it to anymore. Maybe I'll make Patrick hang out with me sometimes. I definitely owe him some time. It turns out that I really am beautiful. Ask anyone. Also, I'm much better than I was in high school. I'm even better-er than I was in college the first time. I'm myself, and that's what matters. I'm not happy, but at least I have an opportunity to change things. I keep having dreams about him, and I don't know him at all, but it's still interesting. I miss my Jew so much that I could cry.

Even someone who seems sweet and even sometimes perfect somehow surprises me. I have no faith left in the human race. It seems like everyone today is more distracted by a pretty face than by an amazing personality. No wonder people get so jealous; no wonder girls say that their guy needs to choose between her and his female friends. Humans are liars and cheaters, and people are smart to treat others like shit. The good people will see through this. Good people are few and far between. However, even with good people, very, very few are worthy of the kind of love that I have to offer. Maybe I'm too picky, and I'm definitely too bitchy, selfish, and needy. I don't care, though. When I find someone who deserves me, they'll see through my bitchiness, they'll at least deal with me being needy, and when I like someone enough, I become a lot less selfish, so it doesn't even become a problem.

I'm the kind of person who never stops changing. I guess that's what makes me so unpredictable. Oh, oh, oh, and it turns out that it's common knowledge that "bitches finish first." What do you think about that, man?

I'm sick of people. I know I'm gonna lose all my friends by pulling this shit, but I don't really care anymore. I don't need anyone who doesn't need me, which leaves me with myself. Oh, and my cousin Willie is the strangest person ever. If I had to hear about how sexy or beautiful I am ONE more time, the boyyy was gonna go down. lol... I truly love my family. <3